Starting Over

I just picked up the calendar and counted. It's been 108 days since the miscarriage and life has settled into somewhat of a routine.

It's now been almost 3 months since I've joined the new company and I'm still adjusting to the new job scope but all is well. I think I've settled in as well as I can within this short time frame, and this weekend will mark 90 days which means I will then qualify for maternity benefits :)

Emotionally I'm more settled. I still feel saddened when I'm reminded of our loss, about the baby that could have been. I went to great lengths to avoid the bestie, who announced her pregnancy on the same day as me. I'm concerned and I'm happy that she's doing well, but I can't gather the courage to meet up with her. I can't bring myself to see her and her burgeoning tummy which will only remind me that I could have been where she is today. That's my mental block.

The cousin also revealed that she's pregs and with a baby boy at that. Granted that she's been a horrible daughter and I dread talking to her because of all the underlying competitive vibes that she sends over, I can't help asking the big dude up in the sky what did she do right that I did wrong?

These are the 2 biggest monsters that I'm fighting on a day to day basis. The WHYs in my head are never ending.

On a more positive note, the cycles are back to normal. I had trouble after the miscarriage, waited almost 10 weeks for my 1st menses after the procedure which warrant a visit back to the gynae. I was given a week's dose of Duphaston which promptly brought on Aunty Flo.

We intended to try for bb #2 after that but then I fell sick quite badly and it was a good thing that it didn't succeed coz with all the meds I was taking, I'm sure it wouldn't be good for the baby.

Since then, I've had one more cycle of AF which convinced me that my cycles were now regulated so we planned for Project B once more. If this round succeeds, it'll be extra special coz there would be a high chance that bb #2's bday will be relatively close to mine.

Please keep us in your prayers!